Relationship breakdowns: Where to next?
Martha Wilson • 3 December 2024

Dealing with a relationship breakdown can be tough and emotional. Whether it's a marriage, de facto relationship, or civil union, it's important to know your legal rights and responsibilities. Here are some important steps to you need to consider:


Get legal advice early: Talk to a family lawyer to learn about your rights and responsibilities. They can help you with property division, child custody, and spousal maintenance, ensuring you make well-informed decisions.


Know how property is divided: In New Zealand, the Property (Relationships) Act 1976 generally splits relationship property equally. This covers assets like the family home, vehicles, and savings acquired during the relationship. A lawyer can help you understand any exceptions and navigate the complexities.


Think about child custody and support:  The Care of Children Act 2004 focuses on the child's best interests when deciding custody arrangements. Aim for an agreement that keeps the child's relationship with both parents strong. The IRD can help with calculating and managing child support payments.


Consider spousal maintenance:  One partner might be eligible for financial support. Factors such as the length of the relationship, standard of living, and earning capacity are taken into account. A lawyer can help you understand your rights and responsibilities.


Look into mediation and dispute resolution:  Mediation uses a neutral third party to help both sides reach an agreement. It's often less stressful and cheaper than going to court. The Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) service can help with disputes about parenting and guardianship.


Update your legal documents: After speaking with a lawyer, make sure to update your will, power of attorneys, property titles, insurance policies, trusts, and other legal agreements to match your current wishes and situation. 


Take care of your emotional health: It's crucial to look after your emotional well-being. Reach out to friends, family, or a professional counsellor for support. Taking care of your mental health will help you handle the legal and practical aspects of separation more effectively.


Dealing with a relationship breakdown can be really tough, but knowing your legal rights and responsibilities can give you the confidence to move forward.


Remember, you don't have to face this alone—professional support is available to help you through the process.


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20 September 2026
He taonga to mokopuna, kia whāngaia, kia tipu, kia rea - a child is a treasure, to be nurtured, to grow, to flourish. A common thing we hear from clients is "I want custody of my children." While most people understand what "custody" means, the reality is that custody is no longer a legal term used in New Zealand family law. In fact, the term was removed from our legislation more than 20 years ago. So, what changed? The Care of Children Act 2004 replaced the old concepts of "custody" and "access" with language that focuses more directly on children's needs and parental responsibilities. Instead of talking about custody, the Family Court now talks about: Day-to-day care (who the child lives with and who looks after them on a daily basis); and Contact (the time a child spends with a parent or other important person when they are not in that person's care). The change was intentional. The law moved away from language that can sound like a child is something to be "owned" or "won" by one parent. What does "day-to-day care" mean? Day-to-day care refers to the practical care of a child, including: Where the child lives; Their daily routine; School attendance; Meals, bedtime, and general supervision; and The everyday decisions involved in raising them. A parent can have: Sole day-to-day care; or Shared day-to-day care arrangements. There is no legal presumption that one parent should have day-to-day care over the other. The Court's focus is always on what is in the child's welfare and best interests. What about "contact"? What many people previously called "access" is now referred to as contact . Contact can take many forms, including: Weekend visits; School holiday time; Telephone calls; Video calls; Supervised contact; or Other arrangements that allow a child to maintain a relationship with an important person. The Court recognises that children generally benefit from having ongoing relationships with both parents, provided doing so is safe and in their best interests. Does this mean I can't say "custody"? Not at all. Many people still use terms like "custody," "shared custody," and "access" in everyday conversation, and most lawyers will understand exactly what you mean. However, if you're involved in Family Court proceedings, you'll hear terms such as: Day-to-day care Contact Guardianship Parenting orders These are the legal concepts that will appear in Court documents and orders. Why does the language matter? The shift away from "custody" reflects a broader change in how New Zealand family law views parenting after separation. Rather than focusing on which parent "gets" the child, the law focuses on: The child's welfare and best interests; Maintaining important relationships; Encouraging parents to work together where possible; and Ensuring children are protected from harm. Ultimately, Family Court decisions are not about determining a "winner" and a "loser." They are about creating arrangements that best support the child's wellbeing. As family lawyers , we offer advice, guidance and representation in family law matters, if you would like assistance or to talk to someone, contact us today. Written by: Eva Leutele
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